


Nothing

by meependa (Hawkbringer)



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alien Biology, Alien Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brick jokes about GIR's food obsession, Drama queens, Empathy Sucks, Id Fic, M/M, Marooned Zim, Masturbation, Mind Reading, Oral Sex, Praise Kink, Surprise Sex, This is an ugly mess of teenage failure to actually write a plot, Tone Whiplash, Xenophilia, Zim Eats Waffles, negative self-talk, that should be a tag, why isnt that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:37:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkbringer/pseuds/meependa
Summary: Want to see Zim being a huge ball of angst and Dib dropping down from the ceiling like an insect-ninja to comfort him and have it suddenly become blow-job time instead? You've come to the right place. (Written early 2010)





	1. The First One

**Author's Note:**

> Written on or before March 2010. Probably before. While I myself didn't struggle with negative self-talk to the degree this Zim does, I did always have a hankering for some explicit praise. 
> 
> Beware the tone whiplash as I could not keep a handle on what I wanted the story to do. Probably just another meandering id-fic. Minimal editing because editing is harrrrrd. (self-depreciating fake-sobbing)
> 
> note: Lekku as a term for the Irken antennae comes from Neofox's ZADR fics I read on DeviantArt in the late twenty-aughts.

"And... an.. an' I FAILED!" Zim wailed out to GIR, screaming as he slapped the empty metal head. Gir was slammed to the side, hitting a wall. He hit the floor and began squealing something about cheese. 

As GIR quit listening, Zim tried harder and harder to get through to him. "Gir? Gir! GIR! _GIR!!!_ " The alien's last cry devolved into a scream of pure agony. 

Dib, clutching the ceiling ninja-style like something possessed, felt his limbs tremble with the force of Zim's last cry. _NO,_ he told himself strictly, _no feeling sorry for the maniac alien._

But Zim cried again, even louder this time, obviously to show off. He's _performing,_ Dib thought to himself, his eyes growing wider in surprise. They grew so wide, in fact, that his glasses, which stuck under his brows like monocles, fell out. 

"Oops," muttered Dib quietly, grabbing for them. He missed.

They fell to the pink-tiled floor with a clatter, and Zim ceased his melodramatic breakdown to investigate the noise. Lifting his head up from cradling it in his three-fingered hands, he glanced toward the sound, still sniffling quietly. The ruby-eyed Invader reached out a hand and snatched the crumpled pair up by the nose-bridge, which was almost invisible in the best of circumstances. He held them in front of his face, now devoid of any disguise, any caring. He studied them with apathy, disintrest; then, as he became slightly more intrigued with his reflection, the flash of light caught his eye, and he instantly remembered to whom the glasses belonged. 

Ruby eyes snapped open, a three-fingered hand clenched closed. Dib saw the sparkle in his enemy's eyes (he could see fine without them; the glasses were merely for show,) and his own lit up. He wondered for a minute if Zim would jump up and go look for him, (finally, some action!) but the alien just sat back down, folding his now-long legs beneth him at weird angles. 

With the same sparkly interest in his eyes, Zim fondled the glasses, twirling them, more or less interested only in his reflection in the broken lenses. Then a fancy struck him, and he placed them on his own nose. Only, he didn't have one. 

The pair fell off and clattered to the floor again in as many minutes. Zim's lithe arms and shoulders fell, and the sparkle left both males' eyes. Zim just stared dejectedly at them, arms limp, face turned away from Dib. And Dib wondered, what was he thinking? Well, he could find out. 

He'd implanted a brain-reader chip in his own head just yesterday. (It was highly experimental, pilfered from his dad's job after Take-a-Random-Kid-to-Work Day.) It had aiming capabilities and different tuning frequencies, meaning he could listen to just one person's mind or the whole world at once, but one only did _that_ if one was suicidal. 

Dib aimed the little cross-haired circle at the back of Zim's head, dialed up the tuner, and a slur of horrid, negative thoughts swamped Dib's brain. He was horrified at what Zim was telling himself: _'I'm nothing, I should just die'? 'Why don't I have an off switch like GIR?' What kind of crap is that for an **Invader** to give himself? You can't die! If you die,_ Dib realized with a slackening face, _then I'll die._

Zim looked up slightly from his suicidal reverie upon hearing a slicingly clear thought that was not his own. Little did Dib know that the mind-reader chip worked both ways. Dr. Membrane believed in fair play if nothing else.

_'If you die, then I'll die'_ echoed around the silent house. Even Gir stopped babbling about anchovies to look up at the boy on the ceiling. 

Dib was unaware of the eyes on him, though. He was still sifting thru Zim's most recent thoughts- all bad. The past few weeks- all bad. The whole last year- you guessed it. All bad, all horrible, all so self-destructingly horrendous, it was inconvievable. Why was Zim doing this to himself? Was it his home planet's fault? Some weird failure ritual he hadn't yet discovered? The leaders- yes, the leaders...

There it was. A short and terrible memory of the day the Tallest had called. Called to say he was officially marooned, officially dead, officially never coming back. Zim had thought, even up till now, that it was because he had not conquested the planet by some unknown deadline, but it was, of course, because his leaders thought him crazy.

Such a feeling, one Dib had never felt, as Zim screamed in extreme pain at the memory he had fought to keep buried. Such a feeling. Complete empathy for a complete enemy. 

Shuddering and convulsing on the floor, Zim's memory-logged brain didn't process the boy on the ceiling very well, and he looked down again, interrmitently twitching his fingers and hicupping. Gir started singing about pizza, and Zim slapped him idily, taking no pleasure in his normal, sadistic routine. 

Above him, Dib let out a slight gasp and his eyes widened again. Zim had lost all pleasure in his sadism? This _was_ bad. Dib then chided himself. _Not like it wasn't bad before, but still..._ His features tensed and screwed themselves up like some demented clown. Dib always got antsy like this when there was nothing happening, and this was about the biggest 'nothing' Dib had ever faced. 

His stomach began to growl and twist, and his body followed suit. The boy, now almost man, made a split-second decision while staring at the back of his enemy's head. He dropped to the floor.

\--

Zim had been twitching and curling up slowly into a ball to go to sleep when a hand slapped harshly against the back of his head. He rocketed forward about 5 feet and stared up at the Dib that was behind him, clutching his head. 

"You're not nothing, Zim," spoke the human in a warning voice. "You hear me??? NOT NOTHING!!! And I won't let you die!" Zim tried to interject, but Dib started screaming over him. "I picked you, get it? _I_ picked _you_ to trail and investigate for all time, over the whole damn universe until the day I stopped! I picked you, so you're _better_ than Bigfoot, _better_ than those vampires, and even that ninja toilet ghost!" His voice suddenly goes quiet here. "You're better than _all_ of them, Zim." 

While speaking, Dib had leaned down and grasped Zim by his collar, speaking right to his face now, "And you can't die. You're _mine_ and I will _not_ let you go. _Evaaaarr._ " Dib's last word was muffled thru clenched teeth as he spoke it right next to Zim's lekku. The sensitive black stems shivered with the proximity and Zim looked up with longing. 

Dib reached forward with his lips and took the tickly stem into his mouth, avoiding teeth. He touched his tounge to it, slid it carelessly along its length, knowing full well what it would do to the alien attached to it. 

Zim's body felt electrified, on fire somehow, and all he knew was he wanted Dib to feel exactly the same way. 

A lithe, gloved hand reached out and pinched the zipper on a certain article of clothing as a second hand braced the boy's hip. Dib's eyes snapped open as his pants went down. A warm, smooth-skinned hand snaked its way around the other's appendage, teasing it and bringing it up full. 

Throbbing hard, Dib hissed and panted againt the lekku in his mouth, licking and sucking even harder, keen not to use his teeth on the stalk.

Zim began to keen deeply at the pressure, hiccupping as he increased his pace on the human's member, tickling the bare hand along its soft, fleshy length, and a sudden thought popped into in his muddled brain. _Lick it._ Was it actually his own? Didn't matter, Zim still complied. Pausing a second to steady his other hand on the human's pelvis, (which made the male moan in complaint) he cupped his lips around his especially sharp teeth and placed his tongue, curled slightly, onto the smooth head of the human's organ. 

Dib gasped, nearly falling over at the unexpected contact. His legs offically gave out as the tongue twirled over, around, and down the organ, his saliva sliding sensually over the slight ridges it found there. He slid to the floor, his weight shakily supported on two skinny knees. Zim slid down with him, bracing one hand against the floor. 

Zim and Dib, at the exact same time, made the exact same decision, and as Zim lunged forward, meaning to take the organ deep into his mouth, Dib rolled his hips forward, meaning to penetrate the alien even further. As the two collided and crashed together, Zim's mouth opened wider and Dib slid deeper than either had thought possible. They both attempted to scream at the feeling, but Zim could get no word in edgewise past the obstruction in his mouth, and Dib's voice cracked and squeaked in his throat. Since neither could voice his passion orally, they resorted to more physical means. 

Dib's fingers lessened the pressure around the black stalks and Zim twitched his throat around the human in turn, allowing his tongue to slither around the small space left in his cavern. The alien's eyes fluttered closed and Dib gave him the same respect in anonyminity. To anchor himself in the darkness as he balanced weakly on his knees, he focused on the lekku, twirling his fingers about the ends, sliding them down passionately only ocassionally, just waiting, waiting for the alien to- 

Dib gasped as a horribly intriguing sensation swept over his body, centered in (where else?) his nether regions. He looked down. Something came spewing out of Zim's throat, coating the human's member and immediate abdomen. The other's throat heaved and he coughed most disturbingly and in concern, Dib slid himself out of Zim's mouth, crouching to thump the alien on the back as fluid continued to dribble from his lips. The alien's glittering eyes betrayed fear, helplessness, and an innate knowledge of the situation that slid into shame. He shouldn't have gone so far, not with this enemy. Dib only got a glimpse of these thoughts as Zim gave him one guilty, loaded look then turned away. 

Dib grasped his shoulder, heedless of his still-throbbing cock. He insistently turned the shamefaced alien towards him. "Now, are you going to tell me what that was all about? Why are you.. you...? You can't, Zim. Not now." His arms went around the alien and heedless of all, Zim leaned into the embrace, shaking. 

"Just.. just give me a.." 

"Yes, yes of course, whenever you're ready."

"(hic, hic) Okay, I'll tell you now. It's, it's... well, it's how the Irken race used to reproduce, before cloning and their greatly superior technology, et cetera, et cetera. Partners would mate... by mouth, like we were... about to. That was my... my seed. Had you been an Irken female, back then, you would have accepted it, and... likely, you'd be pregnant by now," he laughed lightly on the ending thought, his eyes devoid of mirth. 

Dib's head was reeling with all this information. But one thing nagged at him. "You said... back then? Cloning? Irkens can't do it that way anymore?" 

"Correct, Dib-shit. (Dib's eye twitched once at that) They have all been _engineered_ to not do it like that anymore. I had no idea I even could. It... _You_ must be quite powerful to override a centuries-old mutation. You are quite the impressive force, Dib-shit," Zim ended, patting Dib's shoulder affectionately and stroking the male's erection, which caused him to gasp again. Shaking as he spoke, he voiced another concern. "You've... you keep saying 'they,' not 'our.'" 

"What do you mean, Dib-shit?" 

"And quit calling me that!" Dib snarled before the anger drained out of him. 

"Why?" Zim asked, an overly-innocent expression on his face. Dib didn't even know Zim could pull off innocent, but he was doing quite well. Too well.

With a sexy grin and a raised eyebrow, he didn't answer the question and responded instead with, "You may be finished, but I am not. Indulge me? Or shall I?"

"You know, I really think you should."

And his grin grew wider, along with something else. "Very well."

Dib then stood up, shakily moving over to sit down, his back to the wall. He thunked his head against it, sighing deeply before concentrating with eyes closed. He recalled all the sensations Zim had given him this past hour, and how he still wanted the alien not so far away from him. Hell, he was still in Zim's house! Zim's house... Zim's bed... _chained_ to Zim's bed, now _there_ was an idea. 

A lewd smile spread over his features as his hand drifted southward. He moaned happily in his throat, and it was echoed from across the room. Resisting the temptation to open his eyes, he locked his hands around himself, sliding the still-sticky member through them, over every bump, just like Zim's tongue. Oooh, that tongue... adding this and other favorite fantasies from past sexual experiments gone awry, he created his own rhythm between his hands, aided by Zim's own vocalizations at the sight he was most likely drinking in at the moment. Twirling his hands deftly about his length, Zim couldn't help but marvel at the human's skill. He must have had quite a bit of practice... or he had quite a natural knack for it... Either way, having that human in bed with him one night... Ohh, what a sight that would be! Zim sighed in arousal and smooth joy at the imagery, both before him and in his head. 

After watching for a few minutes, abused lekku overly-sensitive to every little squish and squelch of fluid, Zim decided he'd rather like to join in. He clambered slowly, quietly, over to the human already far into the throes of desire and Zim panted as he approached. The human picked up on the volume of the sounds near him and keened louder in his own throat to match. Lacing his hands together to form a little tunnel to thrust into, he barely noticed as six more, sharper, greener fingers laced with his own, engorging the tunnel, and covering his desire more completely on all sides. He sighed happily in his oblivity and accepted the thin tongue playing at his lips as part of this highly-delirious fantasy. 

He accepted the length into his mouth, only slightly surprised to feel lips against his own. The snake-like tongue swiped at the insides of the human's mouth, slid over every molar and tooth, and Dib's brow furrowed as the second pair of hands sped up the thrusting. He opened his eyes, and was met with an overwhelmingly red blur of alien eyes. He chirupped into Zim's mouth and purred against the other's contact. 

zim's lips tilted up in a smile as he continued his oral exploration, never ceasing his hands' movements which, combined, brought the teen to his own finish, a messy, salty, rather tasty affair Zim was ecstatic to take part in. He was also ecstatic to hear the shouts Dib gave then, so arousing... Zim licked his lips, then curved his fingers down to pick up more of the slime, proceeding to lick it all off his still-bare fingers in a most provocative fashion, batting non-existent eyelashes at Dib, who rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Zim. Zim just laughed, privately imagining how he could 'punish' Dib for this latest insult... and he had so many to catch up on...


	2. Chapter 2 - if such a thing can even exist since this has practically no plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their "fun," the alien and the xenophile retire to Zim's kitchen, waiting for GIR to finish cooking waffles that look like slabs of raw meat. Then the plot from the "Zim Eats Waffles" episode stomps through the room and I lose all motivation to attempt to continue the plot, apparently.

After laughing and mumbling back and forth languidly while licking up the remnants of their... _fun..._ , the pair of human and alien stood up and tugged clothes, gloves, glasses (even tho they were definitley broken) back on. Dib thought out to the world outside this little house and realized how very little it all mattered. 

Seeing his only parent in person once or twice a year? Getting nothing but a cold shoulder or maybe grudging assistance from a sister who chose video games over actual people? And himself, choosing an alien (male, at that) over any other person on Earth? Well, it made sense, he thought vengefully, they always called _me_ crazy. Don't _I_ get to call them blind? I should... but I won't, he reminded himself as slim arms circled his waist, silently asking for explaination for his sadistic, angry look. His own hand came up, curled behind Zim's head, heedful of the slightly crumpled-looking lekku, bringing the alien's angular head closer to rest pressed against his chest, allowing the alien to take solace in the slow, steady beat of the only heart they shared. 

Dib purposefully shut off the flow of evil thoughts floating around in his head and silently told Zim of his plan to stay. They had used nearly no words for the past half-hour, and Dib liked the silence almost as much as Zim did. That brain-implanted chip had to have been the best idea he'd had all month, if not all year.

Dib allowed himself to be tugged to the back of the kitchen, where, upon discovering he was far too big to go down the toilet or the garbage can anymore, the pair simply sat, waiting for Gir to bring them waffles. It took only about 15 minutes for Gir to notice the large sign propped up on the table that Dib had scribbled up in a few seconds. 

Gir came squeaking by, carrying a plate piled high of what looked like slabs of raw meat, when he noticed the large, pink sign. He read it haltingly. (Whoever taught him English in the first place?) "Wa...ffles... please. Waffles!!" he ended with a barking squeal, and then he hopped off, throwing the plate up into the air, which Dib caught nimbly and slung into the oven (which actually worked, believe it or not). At all these new developments, Zim simply said, "Huh." 

Yup, same old Zim. Guess the unlocking of centuries-dead physical capabilities and copulation with a sworn enemy wouldn't be enough to phase the great ZIM!! He was slowly leaving the sex-induced afterglow territory, and was muttering to himself in tones that would use lots of capitals and exclaimation points if they were to be transcribed. 

As it was, the oven began to smoke after a time, before Gir was done "makin' waffles," as he called it; and, fearing the worst, Dib rushed over to it, belatedly remembering he should have worn a hot mitt or something before sticking his hand into a electric-gas oven. The plate of meat came out, steaming but not burnt in the slightest. Zim beamed at the exacting capabilities of his built-in appliances as he and Dib chowed down on the meat. Dib had a lingering suspicion that it was probably either moose or human, but said nothing to the contrary, as he was ravenously hungry. Then the waffles came out, and they scarfed those down too, purposefully avoiding those that came with an exclaimation of having soap in them.

Full and well-fed (in both senses of the term), the pair sighed happily and slightly care-free. Looking at each other with simple acceptence in their eyes, they couldn't have imagined the-

WHHIZZZOOO. WHHIZZZOOO. 

A loud, robotic stomping noise outside in the over-decorated backyard caused the 3 of them, including Gir, to rush over to the windows.

Outside, an army of mutant cyborg zombie soldiers (also from Zim Eats Waffles), led by a giant flesh-eating demon squid (you should recognize this by now), were currently reeking havoc on Zim's and the neighbor's yards: stomping flower beds, uprooting trees, lifting small children up by the head and then devouring them. All in all, pretty normal. 

"Eh," stated Zim from inside the house. "That giant, flesh-eating demon squid, I tell ya... he never gets any more imaginative! Why, even the great _ZIM_ could think up at least _five_ different ways to terrorize the backyards of the filthy pig smellies!" 

While saying the word five, Zim held up all six fingers. Dib counted them with eyes squinting and Zim lowered the outer two of the second one, causing Dib to wrinkle his nose in disgust and then laugh. There were a lot more disgusting things Zim could definitly have called him. 

Slinging his arm around the alien's shoulders, the pair of them turned from the window and jumped down the only entrance left into the deep complex of the underground labs- the huge hole in the floor that opened at Zim's snap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my notes for this story (that I apparently wrote in a fit of angst and praise-kink-wish-fulfillment over 10 years ago), there is this gem that I must leave you with if you actually read to the end of this horrid mess:
> 
> CHAPTER THREE   
> Title: Maybe Later
> 
> That is all.


End file.
